Hearty

The Cynical Rant - I couldn’t help myself…

Your going to think that I have nuthin’ better to do than sit around and think about this shit so in order to redeem myself I postponed even putting this bloody article up. Screw it, I need to vent a bit. Tough, I am posting it.

What the F*ck?!?!?! Is there really such a thing as a hearty meal? From what I understand “hearty” is just some term that Bob Evans used to pitch soups to the old folk. What the hell does hearty mean and don’t tell me that it means filling because then I could say that anything in mass quantity is hearty.

This bring up another question – what the heck is wholesome? Damn! It just gets worse.

I would like to attest to the world that these are bullshit words that were made up for people from earlier generations who decree that something is of benefit to them on somewhat of a medicinal basis. Like Chicken soup is good for the soul – not the book – literally! People actually believe this!

Just remember that they think that soups are in some way nutritious and filling but at some point anything can be! Warm liquids may fill your tummy and make you feel warm and cozy but are they hearty and “soul-healing”.

Ya know f*ckin’ ice cream seems quite popular for break-ups but I think the whole hearty soup at Bob Evans a marketing scam.

  1. Older people tend to worry about heart health. Calling something hearty makes people thing that it is good for their heart and soul.

  2. Older people typically cannot chew food due to week gums and teeth. You don’t see hearty steak and chicken on the menu do you. I mean – how the heck can you have the nuts to say chicken soup is hearty but chicken isn’t.

  3. The heart symbol is like a f*cking pacemaker to the elderly. They see the red heart with an American Heart Association logo next to it or a tape measure around it or even a picture of a heart with two fucking legs jogging on a box of bran cereal and they look at it like it is a $4 investment in a life extention program.

  4. Btw – I think that the word wholesome is shit too but I think that some stupid ass bread makers made that one up. Think about it – a grain is wholesome, is rice wholesome? Anyway – Let’s not even go there. I am too pissed of as it is.

From a NON theoretical basis and only a mathematic solution can someone provide with empirical evidence of what hearty is?

Can someone help me with this poultry dilemma!?!?!?!?


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